Sex-less relationships…

I’ve managed to discuss a whole host of topics on this blog and for some reason or another sex hasn’t come up… well that’s about to change.  Over the holidays I sat down for breakfast with a really good friend of mine.  We hadn’t communicated in a while but we had a great conversation, and it came to light that he’d broken up with his girlfriend of 4+ years.  I went on to have a similar conversation with another close friend, who was in a relationship for all of four months and he was also having problems.  Both of their problems had to do with sex, or the lack there of it.

"Oh... You're to tired again??"

My friend in the long term relationship kept thinking things were going to change, his partners libido would eventually grow to match his. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case and he decided that it would be better to end the relationship before he found himself in a precarious position.
The friend in the infantile stages of his relationship was debating breaking up with his partner because of the lack of “monkeying around” in the “playground”.  I told him there was a chance they weren’t compatible sexually and pulling the trigger on a break-up was probably a good thing.

Now I’ve been lucky when it comes to having sexual compatibility in relationships.  But then I’m reminded by married people that I should… “enjoy it while it last because once you get married it’s over.”  Here’s the thing… I don’t buy that malarkey! Just because they, him, her, those people, and that guy say it… doesn’t make it true. I choose to make sure the sexual aspect of my relationships aren’t part of a mythical statistic.  I’d rather be single than be in a relationship that had bouts of dry spells and here’s why.

It wouldn’t be cool if I started a relationship and the communication was great, then for some reason in year two or three… the communication just ceased to exist.  I’d take strides to correct whatever was causing the miscommunication, and I’d do whatever I could to make sure we right the ship.  Is that special?? No, I don’t think so… I think anyone in a loving relationship that they wanted to make work would do the same.  The rub is I see sex as physical communication and in my opinion if any form of communication in a relationship is severed… you are going to have problems.

Keep it steamy people...

I believe the physical connection that’s achieved between two people in a loving relationship is often undervalued in latter stages of a relationships.  It seems to turns into a “let’s get this over with” act instead of an act to communicate how attracted we are to our partners. Sure as time goes by not every romp is going to be as steamy as the first couple times you threw down, but that by no means means you should stop.  Just as we work everyday to communicate with our partners verbally, we should be trying just as hard to communicate with them physically.  Okay, so the sex might slow down (only a little) but a deep kiss, a soft touch, a playful ass grab goes a long way in letting your partner know… “Hey, I still want to hit that”.

If you find yourself in a relationship that lacks sexual energy… then address the problem and try to fix it the same way you would a lack of communication.  If by the off-chance you’re with someone who isn’t sexually compatible with you… DON’T hang around thinking things will change.  I honestly think walking away from a relationship that isn’t providing you with what you need, even after the issue has been brought to the table… is okay.

At the end of the day, we all want to know that our partners are “buying” what we’re “selling” in the physical department… and hopefully in bulk and often. 😉

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2 responses to “Sex-less relationships…

  1. I like that you have identified sex as a form of communication… Sometimes lack of sex is also communicating something. Most women love sex. It feels good and it feels really good with someone we love… But what I have found is that when the sex is good, a male partner may not recognize that other things aren’t, even when you are telling them so. Sometimes, not having sex is the only way for a woman to bring his attention to the fact that some things may not be in balance… However, you are right in noting that affection should not decrease, and this should not be a form of punishment.

    If there is genuine emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical connection in a relationship, I think it’s well worth trying to negotiate the balance that works for everyone.

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