It’s the halfway mark of the year and I find myself reflecting (more so than usual) on the past six months. It’s been an interesting six months, but more specifically it’s been an interesting last three months. I’ll spare you the details but I’ve been dealing with a couple of issues/quandaries/situations. One was work related, which seems to be an ongoing theme for my year. One was relationship related, where I made an initial decision out of fear of failure and when I did “man up” it was too late. (When the clouds clear I’ll be sure to regale you with the tale) The other issue was just an overall sense of un-fulfillment, which as a friend pointed out to me, comes from the insane standards I set for myself. So when I don’t reach my goals I tend to be pretty hard on myself… something about myself I’ll be forever fixing.
This got me thinking though, I tend to have a lot of great ideas and I want to do it all. Sometimes I’m held back by my own fear… fear of uncertainty, fear of failure. Sometimes I act on them… like this blog for instance. I decided it would be something interesting and fun to do, but in all honesty it almost didn’t happen because I think my writing is more akin to me sneezing my thoughts on to a page. (If you’ve ever sneezed on a piece of paper you know what I mean… it’s a hot mess) Guitar is another example of something I’ve always wanted to do but up till recently never really thought it was something I could. I’ve had dreams of writing and performing songs, and with each passing day I definitely feel like that time is right around the corner.
The question I have is what’s the difference between imagination and reality? What’s the difference between getting what you want and settling from something less? I think the thin line that separates these two things is fear. People who achieve their goals or get what they want out of life are fully aware that there will be failures along the way, but they push through regardless. In my life I’ve been both types of people and these last three months have shown me that I still have a lot of work to do. So when I got a text on Monday morning laying out a fictitious scenario as a joke, I thought to myself.. why not?? Why couldn’t this imaginary scenario be my reality?? I want it to be my reality, I think it would be awesome… so again… why not?? Sure, there’d be bumps and bruises along the way but last time I checked nothing great ever came easy. Then the more and more I thought of it… the more I wanted it. I got the same feeling I had when I first picked up my guitar or wrote my first blog post, nervous excitement.
So there it is… I don’t know what way, shape, or form this notion is going to grow but the seed has been planted and I’m not scared of the pending uncertainty.