Teaching, even when they aren’t…

All throughout our lives we’re learning, it’s a constant process.  We learn not to chase a skunk, even if we think we’re faster than it.  We learn not to eat a can of spinach without draining the juice, even if that’s not the way Popeye does it.  We learn not to carve an obscene poem into the table at school, because you can’t erase that stuff… and covering it with your hands will only increase your teachers suspicions. (Okay, we might have learned different lessons growing up but in my defense I was faster than the skunk… I just tripped.)

It doesn’t matter who you are, you’re in a constant state of evolution, and one of the main catalysts in this process are our parents.  They mold us and teach us valuable lessons that we take with us on the journey of life.  Then something happens, we get a little older, we get a little wiser, and we start to see that our parents aren’t perfect.   We all come to this realization sooner or later, the realization for me came in the form of my parents relationship.   They had come down to visit me and I could tell from the jump that things weren’t right.  There was a whole lot of fighting, they seemed cold to each other.  I always had this perfect image of family in my own head, and this trip was setting a match to that picture.

"No seriously... Your mom and I aren't going to like each other in 25 years"

After numerous discussions and some frank revelations, it became apparent to me that my parents drew a closer resemblance to a pair of disgruntled roommates than two people in a loving relationship.  This was a shock to me and definitely played a minor role in me breaking up with my girlfriend at the time. (I’m not blaming them clearly I made the decisions)  That being said I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t playing a major role in my decision to be single right now.  You see I don’t want to make the same mistake my parents made.  I’m being very choosy with my next partner because as stated in previous post I’m looking for someone to be my best friend.  I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure that whomever I marry is someone who truly understands me.  I don’t want to wake up in 30 years with the feeling like I’m trapped or the person I’m with doesn’t understand me.  It’s the most important lesson I learned from my parents, I want better for myself.

And that’s just it… maybe the greatest lesson my parents ever taught me was a lesson they gave me inadvertently.

4 responses to “Teaching, even when they aren’t…

  1. hmmmmm…..

    If there is one thing I know about marriage, it is that you’re never trapped and you always have an out.

    It takes a lot of compassion and letting go of yourself to try to understand another person. Sometimes when you feel you’re being misunderstood, you’re also misunderstanding the other. It is hard to swallow that lump called pride.

    I don’t know if anyone is going to understand anyone 100%. Especially the complex folk.

    So, advice, keep it simple. BUT don’t take advice from me.

  2. it’s kinda funny how that happens… we get older and all of a sudden we see things differently.

    i think my parents did the best with what they had and with each other. they are, in my mind, perfect for each other… they just don’t have the communication side down because that wasn’t relevant in their era. now WE have dr. phil, self help everything, and blogs to reaffirm ourselves whenever we like.

    obviously things will be better for you and your wife bacause you will not make the same mistakes and you will communicate. fyi, you’re still not gonna be perfect.. 😉

  3. Kristin Brænne


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