The Kid Kondition

This has always been a bit of an issue with me, dating a girl with kids.  If you asked me about dating a girl with kids a couple of years ago, I would have given you an answer like… “She’s already experienced children and child-birth, so if we were ever to have kids it wouldn’t be the same.  I’d want to experience it with someone who hasn’t experienced it before, so that’s why I don’t date girls with kids.”  For the most part that’s hogwash, part of me would like to make child rearing mistakes with my parter for the first time together, but really that’s not a huge deal breaker.  The real issue is…. (drum roll please) I am selfish.

I live a selfish lifestyle, I answer to no one, I report to no one, it’s all about Turn 24/7…  If I wake up on a weekend and want to take a day trip to the beach… I can do that.  If on a whim I want to take time off work and go on a very impromptu road trip with some friends that can steal some time away… I can do that.  If I don’t want to deal with the world, not answer my cell phone and go hermit mode… I can do that.  If I want to get epically “rinsed” at the bar and remember nothing the next day while sleeping in till 1pm… I can do that.  I also want to be in a relationship with someone who also lives a selfish lifestyle, so we can become a symbiotic selfish entity.

"Wanna head to the rock quarry, big show this weekend"

I understand that I have to grow up eventually, and I’m okay with that.  I’ll be ready to grow up at some point.  The problem that I face when thinking about entering into a relationship with a women with kids is that I just can’t “spring things” on her.  Planning a surprise weekend get away becomes much more complex, a complexity I’d be willing to take on at a certain point in my life… just not now.   The other issue is the fear of shaping a young mind.  I don’t mean to get all high and mighty, but in the event I got serious with a women with kids I know right now I’m not ready for the maturity and responsibility it requires.

"Rookie mistake kid..."

"You've got at least 2 more reps"







I don’t think there’s a right or wrong in this situation, I just think it comes down to an issue of being ready.  When the times right, I’ll be ready.  Unfortunately cute banker with two kids I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know… I’m just not ready.

*Images stolen borrowed from Child-Rearing Made Simple

4 responses to “The Kid Kondition

  1. onlinedatingquest

    I can completely relate with you. As I female, I also find that men who already have kids generally do not want more or they are so financially spent from sending child support that they cannot have more children. I would like children myself someday and someone who is ready and excited to have them as well. Many times, those that are ready and excited are those who have no children. I agree with you first thought as well….that it would be great to experience that with someone for the first time. (I’m sure there is an element of selfishness that comes into play as well!)

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  3. I know this post is about women with the wee ones, but I’m more so interested in this “selfish lifestyle” item you bring up. Do you really think it’s possible to keep that kind of selfish lifestyle and also be in a successful relationship?

    I’m at the height of my selfishness right now haha. And a relationship is unrealistic. I am not sure if one causes the other, or what the relationship is between these two things, but I don’t see my kind of do-whatever-activity-I-want-to-do-with-me-when-I-want-to-do-it selfish lifestyle to really be conducive to beginning to nurture a new relationship with someone. That seems more like a we’re-in-a-committed-monogamous-relationship-and-on-the-same-rhythm-now lifestyle. Does that make sense?

    Anyhoo. Yay for no baby-mama-drama!

    • I think its possible as long as the person you enter into a relationship is as flexible as you. By selfish lifestyle I’m meaning the ability to make decisions free of residual impact. The reason a relationship would work is because as long as that person also has a “selfish lifestyle” their decisions have little impact on others. (Kids for example) So making the assumption that you’d only date someone you had things in common with, it wouldn’t be a stretch to think your activities would for the most part align. (Obviously you’d have to give a little)

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