Never The Two Shall Meet

There comes a time in every relationship when your significant other needs to meet your friends.  This is the true test because as the Spice Girls put it… “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.”   Usually this isn’t a big deal… sure there’s a little apprehension but that’s only because we value the opinion of the people we call friends.  But for the most part this is a good thing, it means you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level.  But what if you aren’t being introduced??  What if you’re never meeting your significant others close friends??  Worst of all, what if your significant other has a close friend of the opposite sex that you haven’t met but they hold them in such high regard?? (RED FLAG)

There are three scenarios that make sense for your significant other not to introduce you to their close friends.  News Flashnone of them are good. 1) Stagnant Relationship. 2) It’s All About Sex 3) The Date-able Best Friend

1. Stagnant Relationship

Girl: We're so in love... Guy: This is so over...

This is the most common reason not to be introduced to your significant others friends.  This is usually brought on by one person being totally into the relationship more than the other.  They’re usually blinded by their own passion and don’t realize that the relationship is at a stand still.  They end up fighting tooth and nail to make it work and the other person… well, they realize that the relationship has reached its apex and its all down hill from there.  So they start the quarantining process, step one… they zone you off from their life.  This takes place in the early stages of a relationships and you never meet the friends, (at least not on purpose) and the ones you do meet are more likely acquaintances that are expendable.

2. It’s All About S-E-X

This one is not as common as #1 but it stings a bit more.  If you have nothing in common with the person you’re with but sex… that’s a problem. (Not the sex, everything else or lack there of)  If you are always going to their place and the night ends with you two doing it… and you never go out, never do anything together outside of the house.  You’re being played!  Truth be told this is more of a guy move, and it’s terribly insensitive… but it happens.  I could use all sorts of clichés to prove my point but let’s face it… you’re the booty call.  They’ll say all the nice things to you behind close doors and then don’t admit you exist in public.  I hate to break it to you but you aren’t dating, so why would you meet their friends?

Ya... I gotta work in the morning, is it cool if you go home?

3. The Date-able Best Friend

This is the worst of them all… I’ve been here and it’s clear what my intentions were.  This is the old back burner maneuver.  You had a friend you’ve been into forever but it just didn’t work out, you stay friends because you click on so many levels.  You’re clearly attracted to them but for some reason the trigger never got pulled.  Whenever someone ask you… “Why aren’t you and so and so dating?”  You branch off into this long historical reenactment on why it never worked out.  Then one day you meet someone, you start dating and things are great… until they want to meet “The Date-able Best Friend”.

We're just really really good friends

This is where it gets tricky, you see in most of these situations you and “the friend” have a certain level of comfort.  It’s a borderline relationship style comfort, you both know each others idiosyncrasies, you’re sorta touchy without knowing it.  The way you interact is very “noticeable” from someone on the outside looking in.  Bringing in a significant other disrupts that dynamic, if you act like you normally would… your significant other would clearly pick up on the signs and you’d have to have the “there’s nothing going on” talk.  (Which is kind of bogus but I don’t believe in platonic relationships, so maybe it’s just me)  I think there is a certain illusion created when you have a close friend that’s date-able, and once they met your significant other and those worlds collide… the illusion is gone.  We don’t want them to meet because in the back of our minds in that place that no one knows we always wished and hoped it was that friend we ended up with.  When they meet the significant other there’s a face to the name and the illusion turns into reality, and reality rarely ends like we want it to.

In closing if you truly want to prove to someone that you care about them, invite them out and let them see how you and your close friends interact.  After all, that’s the real you… it doesn’t matter if you have one close friend or five.  When you take that step you are telling them you trust them and you’re letting them into your inner circle.  If you’re reading this and you haven’t brought your significant other out to hang out with your close friends… that means something!  If you’re in a relationship longer than 3-4 months with someone and you haven’t met their close friends… I’d be a touch worried.

9 responses to “Never The Two Shall Meet

  1. Very true. When I really care about the person I’m dating, I want the world to know…especially my best friends. (In part because, let’s be honest, they have my best interests at heart & can give me an honest opinion about who I’m dating — PLUS if he doesn’t get along with my friends, that doesn’t bode well for our relationship.)

  2. Good post! You’re right–meeting the friends is a milestone, and if you haven’t hit it, something’s up!

  3. This is an awesome post. I agree completely. I think it’s also possible to fall into multiple categories. Either way, you are right: there is a reason you aren’t meeting their friends.

  4. This is the exact definition of my “relationship” with Corey. It wasn’t going to go anywhere. He clearly was just after sex, seeing as how we ”dated” for four and a half months and I never met, let alone heard about, a friend. Then again, were even dating…? Ppssh. Whatevs. Over it!

  5. Awesome post…especially about the “dateable” best friend…I always knew about this phemom but could never really verbalize it…top notch!

  6. Love it! I’m currently going through something similar. I’ve been dating a guy for just over a month. He’s sweet, nice to hang out with but for some reason, I’m just not excited about him in *that* way. He invited me to his friends BBQ after the 3rd date, I freaked out and said it was too soon. He understood and said “no worries, we’ll take it slow”. Fine. But now, after the 6th date he has invited me to his friends 40th birthday party.

    I agree with what you said in the first paragraph “it means you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level.” … and I know I’m not ready. Especially something as formal as a special 40th birthday party with all of his friends. What’s worst? Being kept away from friends or having friends forced upon you when you’re not ready for it??

    PS. Nice to meet your ‘blogging acquaintance’ btw 🙂

    • The pleasure is all mine… thanks for the comment.

      You ask an interesting question, I think it’s easier to make nice with friends when you aren’t ready because you can just play shy and not get to involved. On the other hand… never meeting the friends kind of keeps you in the dark and you have no control of when its going to happen. Meeting them early is never good but you can sorta dictate the pace… i.e. leave early, play the wall flower.

  7. What if you don’t have hang out type friends? My “closest” friends I haven’t seen in years.

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