Secrets + Truth = Lies

I don’t know when I came to this realization, but since I’ve reached it I believe it with 100% certainty. SECRETS DO NOT EXIST! Secrets are a myth, a fallacy, we take information that we deem important and before we divulge it we throw out disclaimers like “Keep that in the vault” or “Make sure that stays on the DL”  The truth is, when it comes to secrets we all lie.

I know I’m an extremely private person and I don’t really trust anyone. I’ve always believed that knowledge is power, the more you know the stronger you are. People in strong relationships are people who truly know their partner. Your best friend, your closest buddy… they know the most about you. Now I know I might have some trust issues, but if I feel like I can trust someone… I’m an open book. (You’ll have to pass my rigorous testing system though)

Now back to the myth about secrets… I don’t think secrets exist because we just tell them to people we trust implicitly (i.e. significant other) or we tell people who are far enough from the situation that their knowledge has no real ramification. It’s similar to that old adage about a tree falling in the forest… If nobody hears it, does it make a sound? If I tell a secret that someone told me to another person and their actions don’t result in the revelation of the secret… did I do anything wrong?

"I hear the secrets that you keep, When you're talking in your sleep"

I know when I talk to my buddies that are in relationships or marred married, I’m basically talking to their significant others. Hence the term “Pillow Talk”… that’s when couples debrief each other on the secrets and information they’ve gathered throughout the day. So when I tell Billy about XYZ I know when he goes to bed he’s rolling over to Cyndi and saying “OMG! Guess what Turn told me today… (insert juicy secret)… but keep that on the DL” I know this because I’ve done it, I’ve told things to my then significant other that people had told me in confidence. I was fine with doing that because I knew it wasn’t going to come out.

I guess the real question is if no harm comes of it, what’s the harm? Sometimes things are heavy and we need to get the perspective of other people. Sometimes we need to be able to talk about the information so we aren’t the only ones burdened with it. Is that wrong? Maybe we need this sort of pressure valve for secrets so all the information that we gather over the course of our lives doesn’t weigh us down??

I try to be diligent with the secrets of other people because I know how guarded I am about my own.

Do you think secrets exist?? How secure is your vault??

9 responses to “Secrets + Truth = Lies

  1. Secrets do exist… but I’ll be the first to admit I’m not good at keeping them. That’s part of the reason I blog and hide the blogs because then I know it’s OUT there but no one knows about it. I’ve always been a blabber mouth and most of my friends know if they have something juicy they can’t tell me or they have to preface it with, “if you tell ANYBODY this, you’ll be dead”. I totally agree with you in that I’ve had someone say, “don’t tell anyone, but…” and then I tell someone, but say, “don’t say anything, not like it matters you don’t even know this person.” Maybe that’s how the “well I have a friend who has a friend who….”

  2. I think everyone tells secrets to their significant other. I know I do, unless the person is too closely connected to him or for some other reason it would cause problems to tell him. So, your idea about a tree in the forest is probably right. I tell him if no harm will come, but otherwise, I keep it to myself.

  3. First off, I love the misspelling of “married.” Marred? Quite the Freudian slip. 😉

    I think you make a good point about the vast majority if what we call secrets – though there are a few things I will take to my grave, not so I can keep someone from fully knowing me, but because sometimes I do stupid things I’d rather not share. 😉 But in general, I tell most everything to my best friends.

  4. I have very few secrets–I think it’s human nature to want to share–at the very least we want affirmation or kinship…and so we reveal things to get them.

  5. “Sometimes we need to be able to talk about the information so we aren’t the only ones burdened with it.”

    You are right on with this. I do this all the time.

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