Hmm… Yes & No??

Is there ever a good time to move in on a friend/acquaintances significant other?  Time has passed, they’re no longer together… can you make a move?  I think you have to break it down into two categories because sometimes I think the answer can be YES and other times the clear answer is… If you even entertain the idea of dating my ex I’m going to stick you 47 times with whatever sharp object I have at my disposal.

So I submit my two criteria for making a move on the ex of someone you know…

Proximity
Did they move away??  Are they in a city only a couple of hours away?? Next State/Province over??  Did they move to China?  It’s pretty hard but I think a general rule of thumb should be if they live in the same city, then their ex is probably off-limits if you know the person decently well.  If they’ve moved away to another continent maybe you could consider it, but again it comes down to how well you know the person. (This is harder than I anticipated)

Friendship Level
If you at any time or another considered the person to be a “best friend”, you can’t by any stretch of the imagination go for their ex.  By considering them close you have at one point or another had a heart to heart about their significant other.  So if you go for that person you’re essentially playing with fire because the reaction of your friend could be volatile.

Okay, now that I’m writing this I realize words aren’t going to do a good job in getting my point across.  So I’m going to give it the old college try


Things to consider:

  • How long was their relationship?
  • Was it a bad break up? (Gotta side with your friend if it was)
    • Imagine George Clooney going after Jennifer Aniston (Actually if anyone could pull that off… It’s George)
  • Did you give enough buffer time?
  • Is it over? (some relationship carry on forever)

All in all I think sometimes things happen, sometimes significant others end up with  someone we know or friends.  If you were scheming and plotting to get to that point and make your move, then you belong on Big Brother because you’re a devious devil with no soul.  If you just started kicking it, something grew, and all the stars aligned… there’s nothing wrong with that.

I think it’s to hard to give a definite yes or no in this situation, I do think as long as you’re considerate and listen to the voice in your head… you’ll be fine.

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15 responses to “Hmm… Yes & No??

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Hmm… Yes & No?? | The fantastical ramblings of a chronic over-thinker -- Topsy.com

  2. I don’t think I’d date a friend’s ex, but not because of how close we are, because I’d probably know the reason why my friend and him broke up in the first place. This means if my friend broke up with him, and I value my friend and her opinion, then he’s probably no good.

    It really comes down to WHY they broke up in the first place.

    Cheers.

  3. Graphs are so HAWT! Thanks for the post…I’ve been considering dating a friend of my ex, but it’s just so very complicated, thanks for articulating it so well!

  4. Did you use a GRAPH in your post?! Say what? Hahaha! This is a touchy subject. I’ve never dated a friend’s ex but I have had friends who I confided in about my feelings of lust/puppy love for someone to have them turn around and be dating them. Actually this was the same friend. Several times. We’re having a joint 30th birthday party this weekend. Good times!

  5. That graph is golden Turn!

    I am dating one of my ex’s friends right now. The ex in question is across the Atlantic and never moving back, s0 I think that was the major driver in facilitating a green light between his friend and me.

    I think the point of what the break up was like (going separate ways vs. crazy car crash) will also be a major point of consideration.

  6. It did for awhile. But then we graduated high school 🙂 Oh and this may be mean but she is large…and single. But I still love her & her daughter with my whole heart. But my life turned out better #JustSayin

  7. Been there, done that. Married her, divorced her! Happiest now that I’ve ever been. Not friends with either of them anymore. Be careful its a slippery slope no matter what the circumstances!

  8. I'[ve never dated a friend’s ex…and generally thinks it’s a pretty douchey move…but there is one loophole (well two but…you’ll see)
    1. If the person you’re considering dating is likely to be “the one”…and I don’t mean you have to be able to see the future…but you kind of do…if this person is so “someone you just have to date and need to know and blah blah blah” it’s likely you’ve spent a lot of time together (possibly when you’re friend was still there) so you should know by now…if this is someone that is A. someone awesome you could really care about B. your soulmate possibly the love of your life C. just someone to date

    If you choose A or C. you’re a douche. They’re not worth risking a friend over. There’s lots of people in the world one can connect with and care about…your friend’s ex??? bad choice.

    The other loophole is really more just that you need to define what a friend is. The ex of someone you knew in highschool? Go ahead…not a friend. The ex of that girl you hit the club with once every 2 months. Go ahead…not a friend. You get the idea…

  9. I have a friend that is a serial date (worse than me) and she went out on one date with two guys. They both found me on match at a later date (one I had happened to meet on their date because it was kind of a group thing). She said go for it initially and then when we started talking, she freaked… soooo…. nope, never, dont do it!

  10. I decided never to date a friend’s ex following a bad experience with this in the 7th grade. I asked my friend Anna’s ex to the school dance, and he said yes. Then we spent the entire night not talking because Anna would glare at us every time we stood together. Then she ended up slow dancing with him, her head on his shoulder, and I left crying. I should have known then about the future of my dating life…

  11. Date the ex- of a friend only when you are willing to lose the friendship over it. Ditto for friends of friends and friends of exes.

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