The shoe hurts on the other foot…

It’s funny in life how craving a certain feeling or person can make us justify a behavior we would otherwise deem inappropriate.  We get wrapped up in the moment and make self-serving decisions because they make us feel good.  (Inconsiderate flirting) Most of the time we only effect ourselves, we somehow justify that last piece of cake or that extra-large milkshake at 12am even though we know we shouldn’t.  Sometimes though, that line of thinking can lead us to hurt others.

A tame example of moral justification backfiring, in high school I shared a cigarette with a girl (LVM) because she was so smoking hot. (Pun Intended)  I’d never smoked in my life but I figured having a drag with LVM would be a gateway to a conversation and she’d see how cool I was and we’d have a whole lot of great sex and get married.  All I had to do was go back on everything my parents ever told me about cigarettes… so I took a puff!  To bad I coughed like a school girl who had just taken her first hit of weed, with that sad display LVM saw right through my ploy to talk to her.  (I didn’t even get any points for being cute)

Another not so innocent situation from my past made me feel sort of dirtbag-ish.  It was a bros before hoes situation, although this girl is the furthest thing from a hoe… it’s just the only analogy I could think of.  So I knew my buddy had a thing for this girl, and rightfully so… attractive, smart, quirky sense of humor.  He and I would often discuss our given situations, my crush, his crush, what we are doing wrong, how we ended up in these situations… etc, etc, etc.  So although nothing was going on between them, I knew he had a thing for her.  One night we all went out and I ended up making out with said girl.  It was a “one thing led to another situation” and I knew in the back of my head that neither of us was technically doing anything wrong, but I still heard that voice saying… “Dude, you shouldn’t be doing this.” Problem is it felt great and I hadn’t actually had a make out session in months and I ultimately craved the proximity of a female.  So I told that voice to shut up and immersed myself in the moment because coming up for air would only lead to me hearing that voice again.

Now I would like people to focus on me in this situation, not the girl or anything else because she did nothing wrong in this situation.  I was the one who had insider knowledge on my friend’s feelings, I was the one who knew I was potentially hurting someone, and I was the one who didn’t put a stop to it.  You see it’s easy to blame someone else for our actions, I think that’s how we tend to cope in the world now a days.  We are too quick to point out what “this person” or “that person” did, when in actuality the onus is on us.  I’m lucky

These shoes hurt & don't fit!!!

my friend is level-headed, because if the shoe was on the other foot I would have lost my shit.  I’m not so quick to be level-headed in the heat of the moment when it comes to people I have feelings for, actually I know I’m down right stubborn and narrow-minded. (Terrible traits because they often leave you not seeing the whole picture but that’s another post for another day…)

How many times do we tell the voice in our head to shut up when we know that what we are doing isn’t wrong, but it isn’t right?

When we find ourselves tip-toeing the moral line so we can feel a little something…

It’s in situations like this when we should put the shoe on the other foot and ask ourselves… “If someone did that to me would I be okay with it?”

I guarantee you 100% of the time that answer is going to be NO

6 responses to “The shoe hurts on the other foot…

  1. When your being watched its easy to walk that moral line but it takes a much stronger person to do it behind closed doors without anyones watchful eyes on you. What makes things even harder is that there can be an enormous gap between a decision thats considered right and one thats wrong. Its hard to navigate that grey area if you have a shaky moral compass, not to say that you do however. Even with a fairly good compass those choices become hard. I just know the feeling from personal experience. I think what matters most is if you can own your choices and live with the consequences. When someone is able to do that, I think they can learn from their experiences and be better off for when they have to make those tough decisions in the future.

  2. Ethics is not what you do, it is what you do when no one else is looking.

    You are right, people often have a tendency to commit/forgive all sorts of behaviors when it benefits them, especially when the perception is that they can do so without someone watching.

    I wonder how many women would make out with a guy-with-girlfriend if they had to do so in front of her and her friends? And how would they react if they were the one that had to watch?

    Oh, “A tame example of moral justification backfiring, in high school I shared a cigarette with a girl (LVM) because she was so smoking hot. (Pun Intended)” LMFAO When I was 19, I started smoking again because I had to talk to this smoking hot girl and bumming a cigarette seemed like a good conversation starter. Saddly, that decision led to the next 16 years as a smoker.

  3. I’ve gotten myself into quite a few jams by telling that voice to shut up because it “felt right.”

  4. in college i slept with my roommate’s crush. i felt terrible, still do. it was really the beginning of the end for our friendship.

    she’s married now though. guess she showed me.

  5. oh “that voice” it’s always there isn’t it……

  6. As the teacher so wisely put it: “Ethics is not what you do, it is what you do when no one else is looking.” It’s easier to make the right decisions when you know others are watching, when you can physically see the consequences of what you might do. When the doors are closed, it can be so tempting to find out what you can get away with if no one will know but you.

    But that voice is always there trying to keep us on the straight and narrow. It takes moral strength to listen to it.

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