It’s funny in life how craving a certain feeling or person can make us justify a behavior we would otherwise deem inappropriate. We get wrapped up in the moment and make self-serving decisions because they make us feel good. (Inconsiderate flirting) Most of the time we only effect ourselves, we somehow justify that last piece of cake or that extra-large milkshake at 12am even though we know we shouldn’t. Sometimes though, that line of thinking can lead us to hurt others.
A tame example of moral justification backfiring, in high school I shared a cigarette with a girl (LVM) because she was so smoking hot. (Pun Intended) I’d never smoked in my life but I figured having a drag with LVM would be a gateway to a conversation and she’d see how cool I was and we’d have a whole lot of great sex and get married. All I had to do was go back on everything my parents ever told me about cigarettes… so I took a puff! To bad I coughed like a school girl who had just taken her first hit of weed, with that sad display LVM saw right through my ploy to talk to her. (I didn’t even get any points for being cute)
Another not so innocent situation from my past made me feel sort of dirtbag-ish. It was a bros before hoes situation, although this girl is the furthest thing from a hoe… it’s just the only analogy I could think of. So I knew my buddy had a thing for this girl, and rightfully so… attractive, smart, quirky sense of humor. He and I would often discuss our given situations, my crush, his crush, what we are doing wrong, how we ended up in these situations… etc, etc, etc. So although nothing was going on between them, I knew he had a thing for her. One night we all went out and I ended up making out with said girl. It was a “one thing led to another situation” and I knew in the back of my head that neither of us was technically doing anything wrong, but I still heard that voice saying… “Dude, you shouldn’t be doing this.” Problem is it felt great and I hadn’t actually had a make out session in months and I ultimately craved the proximity of a female. So I told that voice to shut up and immersed myself in the moment because coming up for air would only lead to me hearing that voice again.
Now I would like people to focus on me in this situation, not the girl or anything else because she did nothing wrong in this situation. I was the one who had insider knowledge on my friend’s feelings, I was the one who knew I was potentially hurting someone, and I was the one who didn’t put a stop to it. You see it’s easy to blame someone else for our actions, I think that’s how we tend to cope in the world now a days. We are too quick to point out what “this person” or “that person” did, when in actuality the onus is on us. I’m lucky
my friend is level-headed, because if the shoe was on the other foot I would have lost my shit. I’m not so quick to be level-headed in the heat of the moment when it comes to people I have feelings for, actually I know I’m down right stubborn and narrow-minded. (Terrible traits because they often leave you not seeing the whole picture but that’s another post for another day…)
How many times do we tell the voice in our head to shut up when we know that what we are doing isn’t wrong, but it isn’t right?
When we find ourselves tip-toeing the moral line so we can feel a little something…
It’s in situations like this when we should put the shoe on the other foot and ask ourselves… “If someone did that to me would I be okay with it?”
I guarantee you 100% of the time that answer is going to be NO