Wanted: A Connection & Chemistry

It’s really easy to forget all the bad things that happen over the course of a relationship, we tend to sweep them under the rug.  We remember the good times because they make us feel good.   I had one of those moments this weekend.  My pops was in town and we decided to go to Prince of Persia, as we exited the vehicle I happened to bump into my ex. It was a brief interaction… her and her new friends were just getting out of Sex in the City 2.  We said our hellos, gave each other a very cordial hug, and had a very succinct conversation.

For the remainder of the day I couldn’t help but think about all the good times we had together… the Sunday mornings laying in bed till noon, cooking together, our road trips, “making up” after an argument.  The list goes on and on, and as I replayed the memories in my head I found myself thinking “Why did we break up again?” The chance meeting in the parking lot reminded me how attractive she was and it also reminded me about our chemistry.  I was feeling lonely and the thought of having that chemistry again got me thinking that maybe just maybe it would be a good idea to get back together.  But then I started to remember all the things that led us to where we ended up.   Then I was reminded that although I am a different person now than I was then, our personalities often gave birth to conflict.  So sure our physical intimate flame burned bright, only problem is it was that same flame of passion and emotion that burned our relationship to the ground.

What it took me the better part of the day to realize is that chemistry we had, the chemistry and connection that I miss.  It was something that was forged out of three long years and it was born from a mutual goal of wanting to know each other more.  So I reminded myself that instead of wanting something that seems comfortable, I should be looking to develop new chemistry… something that is only possible if I put the time in.

It’ll never be the same, but different in this case is good… hell it would  probably be great!

9 responses to “Wanted: A Connection & Chemistry

  1. Well put friend. I’m in a relationship that makes me happier than I’ve ever known but even I still sometimes think about my ex. What we had was wonderful but it was born from the pain of divorce we were both dealing with. Sure, he knew how to make me happy too but not in a way that could ever compare to what I’ve found with FF. Don’t give up – your lady is out there. And she is lucky!

  2. Great post! Been there. Sometimes it’s hard, but always look forward. New love can be so very sweet 😉

  3. This is a great post and very timely. There is an ex in my life that keeps resurfacing, partly because I allow him too, but as hard as I would like too I cant forget the things that separated us and drove us to breaking up. The chemistry and “making-up” were incredable, but like you and your ex, we were flammable and explosive, in and out of bed.

    We both can move forward. 😉

  4. So true about how easy it is to remember the good stuff and forget all the stuff that sucked….relationships are kind of like dentist appointments that way…once it’s over….it never seems as bad as did during…but who wants to get another root canal…just sayin’

  5. One of my all-time favorite authors (Gabriel Garcia-Marquez) wrote in one of my all-time favorite books (_Love in the Time of Cholera_) that “the heart’s memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and that thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burden of the past.”

    I think it’s a wonderful thing to retain the good memories of a relationship that didn’t work out. It can give you a sense of hope & purpose for the future (you’ve felt happiness once, you will feel it again, and your time was not wasted on someone else even if you wound up splitting up). However, as you noted, it is VERY easy to slip back into those emotions, like a pair of well-worn shoes.

    I’m just proud of you for realizing that the past is just that – past – and that you’re embracing hope for the future.

  6. i fall into that trap all. the. time. good for you for putting on the “reality goggles” before you embarked down a road that might lead to reconciliation. in my experience, that usually just ends up wasting a few months and then you’re single and looking again.

  7. Well said. I find that focusing on the times that the ex was a complete douche works well in these circumstances.

  8. This right here melted me! Absolutely an amazingly perfect description of a relationship I once had. “So sure our physical intimate flame burned bright, only problem is it was that same flame of passion and emotion that burned our relationship to the ground.”

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