First Date Faux Pas

I’ve been on my fair share of first dates, and I’ve learned a thing or two.  I understand that I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty easy to get along with.  Here are just some of my personal tips for surviving a first date and ensuring a second date. (If that’s what you want)

Is this common knowledge??  You would think so…

(These are in no particular order)

  1. Don’t name drop – I’m on a date with you and I want to get to know you, the people you “claim” to associate with aren’t incredible important on the first date.
  2. Laugh when appropriate – Laughing at everything I say?? C’mon, I’m not that funny!  Plus when you don’t laugh at one of my jokes it helps me gauge your sense of humor.  Then I can tell what works and what doesn’t and if we find the same things funny.
  3. Offer to pay – We all know it’s a date and I’m going to pick up the tab, but please make it look like you aren’t expecting me to paying… Just a little.
  4. I said I was going to pay – We’ve done the who’s going to pay dance, after a little banter back and forth… drop it.  Anything more than that and you’ve just crossed the line from thoughtful to annoying.
  5. Read and React – I would say don’t bring up ex’s or past relationships, but I’ve been on dates (that went well) where the conversation took on a life of it’s own.  We were both comfortable talking about it so we went there.  The key is to be fluid in the conversation and don’t force any topics, see where it’s going and react.
  6. A little silence is okay – Some brief pauses in conversation are okay, don’t be alarmed or feel like you need to say something to fill the dead air.  As long as it’s not a deafening silence and both parties are looking for the door, you’re okay.
  7. Be yourself – Don’t order small or do things out of the ordinary because it’s a first date.  If you’re usually a steak gal with a couple of beers, be a steak gal with a couple beers.  That’s how I’m going to get to know the real you. (Really?? Who eats salad and gets water??) **If the real you puts food away like a sumo wrestler, then maybe coffee is a better first date.
  8. Don’t “WE” – I had a girl drop we in some way, shape, or form 6 times on the first date… “We’ve got to do this” and “we are going to get you doing that” and “we should do this”.  Whoa, pump the brakes missy!!  There’s me and there’s you… and there’s no second date. (please read this)
  9. Help me, help you – If I have something in my teeth, don’t sit there and look at it.  Please point it out nicely so I don’t look like a jackass.
  10. Be honest at the end – When they say “I had fun, let’s do this again” Don’t say yes or tip toe around it if you don’t intend on going on a second date. They aren’t looking for another buddy, they asked you out and they clearly think it could work.  Plus it’s easier to let a person down at the beginning because they have less invested.  “I had a good time, but I don’t think it’s going to work for me”  It might just be me, but I’d rather know after the first date if it’s worth the chase.
  11. Know your fashion comfort zone – Don’t wear something if you aren’t 100% comfortable in it.  I can only watch you fidget with that “dress that might be a couple sizes too small but you think it makes you look good so you wore it anyways” before I start to wonder who dressed you.  Also, I love heels on a women but please read this
  12. Moderate eye contact – Don’t stare deeply into my eyes because then I’m going to get creeped out and don’t avoid my eyes all together because then it looks like your about to run for the door.
  13. Touching – If you’re into me and you’ve done a decent job at #5 on the list, a little touch/brush of my arm is a great and subtle way to tell me things are going well.  Just don’t go overboard because you could send the wrong message, unless it’s the right message! Laugh + Arm touch + Hair toss + Lean in = I think I’m getting some 😉
  14. Don’t invite me up – Ignore the last part of #13!! The date went great and I think you’re awesome, if you invite me up my attention shifts and I’m only thinking about ways to score.  If the date wasn’t great in my mind and you invite me up… I think “Well at least I can get some”.
  15. End the date like a romantic movie – If you like me, let me kiss you goodbye.  If you don’t make sure there’s a decent distance between us when the date ends.  Personally the best end to a first date I’ve had… Kissing on her door step in the rain. (Similar to that scene in Spiderman, except I wasn’t upside down and I wasn’t wearing a mask…  Okay, maybe not that similar)
  16. Don’t take medication – If you have to take something, excuse yourself and head to the washroom.  Don’t pop your pills in front of me and then go off about a health issue you have… NOT COOL!
  17. Stay off the cell phone – Don’t BBM/Tweet/Text on a date.  Rude, annoying, and inconsiderate are a couple of words that come to mind.

Okay that was my rant for the day, if you have any tips… I’d love to hear them!

TJ

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13 responses to “First Date Faux Pas

  1. 11a. Dress appropriately for the date you are going on. If you are going out to a nice restaurant DON’T wear gym shorts and hoody.

    13a. READ my body language, if I am leaning away from you with my arms closed, I dont want you in my space. If I am leaning towards you and my shoulders are open towards you, I am inviting you into my space.

    if the date is going badly, I am so guilty of #17. I went on a couple of dates with a guy who couldnt stand silence, it made me crazy, because he felt he had to fill the air with some kind of noise. So 6a. DON’T fill silence with bizarre noises, we don’t like them.

    Love your site… came from justajenn.

    • Please tell me the guy that wore a hoody and shorts wasn’t the same guy that made bizarre noises… if he was, how did you not marry him on the spot!!

      He sounds like a winner 😉

      • Fortunately for me (or maybe unfortunately) they were two separate guys.

        The silence filler wasnt so bad, but inappropriate dresser was also inappropriate toucher. We went to my friends restaurant and I thought my friend (who was the bartender) was going to come over the bar at him. It was that bad. Apparently he was giving me the “wanna get lucky” signals…

  2. “Read and React – I would say don’t bring up ex’s or past relationships, but I’ve been on dates (that went well) where the conversation took on a life of it’s own. We were both comfortable talking about it so we went there. The key is to be fluid in the conversation and don’t force any topics, see where it’s going and react.”

    I’m glad you said this. It’s funny because I actually encourage talk about the “ex” on a first date because you can learn a lot of information based on how they talk about them.

    If they are focused solely on the other person’s flaws, then they probably haven’t accepted any responsibility for their own negative contributions to past relationships. This is, and should be, dealbreaker.

  3. Great list! #14 is particulalry important for ladies to hear! 😉

  4. “Stay off the cell phone – Don’t BBM/Tweet/Text on a date. Rude, annoying, and inconsiderate are a couple of words that come to mind.”

    Thank you. I leave it in my back pocket. If you really need to check it, go to the bathroom!

  5. The addendum I’d add to #12 would be:

    Don’t stare at any given feature for any length of time. No one wants to go on a second date with the guy who talked more to her girls than to her. I’m sure the same applies if a girl ogles the guy’s chest, biceps, etc.

  6. I know you feel strongly about the you paying thing, but I’m a girl who feels very strongly that if we’re both working, we’re both capable of paying. It’s not an impress you issue. It’s an “I feel bad making you pay for me because I can pay my own way and I don’t expect a man to take care of me thing.” Does this make sense?

    • Thanks for the comment!

      That makes sense and I respect that way of approaching it. But as a guy it’s just one of those old fashion things we all still do. I guess I’d feel weird if we split or she paid.

      Plus if the date works out, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to pay for meals. 🙂

  7. GourmetRambler

    Good post. I have a couple for you that I learned in my dating experiences.

    –Don’t be late or even on time. Yes, I know, most women are late. I am not one of them. I am on time or early. A man being late is a dealbreaker for me, to be honest. Makes me feel like an afterthought. Don’t call, or text to warn me. Just don’t be late. Be there when I arrive.

    –This is a big one. Do not cyber stalk me. Not before, not after the date. I have nothing to hide. But I want you to learn things about me from me, not from cyber space. Also, I WILL know about it. Make no mistake. I will find out. When you ask about something you shouldn’t know about, I will know. Also, never ever lead with So, your Facebook says… or You said on Twitter. None of it is any of your business, until I make it so. Also, you may actually be sorry you read it. In person I let you down easy. In cyber space… well, you may be cut down a size or two. Google me if you like, but at your own risk. And don’t complain about it later. Cyber stalking would get you walking papers. Immediately.

  8. You should know I’m going to chime in! I think these are all GREAT pieces of advice (and here it comes…) but, being me, I have a problem with #16. As a diabetic, I need to take medication. Especially at meal times. I’m sorry but I will not go into the bathroom to give myself a shot – there are far too many nasty germs in there! I will be discreet and you won’t see a thing – I promise! Plus, diabetes is something I bring up very early on because it will always be my number one priority. Some people can’t handle that they either won’t be my number one priority or that I have to stick myself with needles all the time. Good thing to know how somebody reacts before you invest too much time/energy/feelings. Just my two cents 🙂
    Oh – and the paying thing. How bout you let me pay the tip – then we’re both happy…

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