Can’t we all just get along?

Is it possible for men and women to exist merely as friends?  Can we really have platonic relationships? Can we share our fears and dreams with someone without getting emotionally attached?  If you have a connection with someone and it’s strictly platonic, what happens to them when you start dating someone?  How do you juggle your platonic friend and your love interest without stepping on any bodies toes?

I’ve never been a big “friend” person when it comes to the opposite sex, typically I find it always leads to confusion.  Although recently in the past year I’ve developed a couple unique female friendships.  Don’t get me wrong I love to kick it with my boys, but every now and then spending time with the opposite sex is a necessity.  So now that I’ve cultivated these great relationships, what do I do when I eventually meet someone?  We’ve all contemplated dating a platonic friend, we’ve wondered if they were a match in all the right areas. (Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, and Sexually)  And lets be honest in every guy/girl relationship, one party has always had a thing for the other.  I find the most common platonic friendships are when you connect on 2 out of the 4. (Mentally & Emotionally)  It’s that opposite sex friend you have that “just gets you”.  If you connect on 3 of the 4, things can get a little hairy and you’ll tend to flounder between being “platonic friends” and “friends that kiss/fool around from time to time”.  If you connected on 4 of 4 you’d be dating.

Again, I’ve never been the kind of guy that is 100% okay with a girl I’m seeing hanging out with her platonic friend. Sure that train of thought is peppered with some of my own insecurities, but it’s mainly because I know how guys think. Sidebar: *Why is it that girls insist that their male friend is “just a friend” and nothing more… then as soon as there’s an opening, BAM! He’s in like sin!!* (I’ve seen that happen far too many times) Anyways I’ve always been the kind of guy that would rather the girl I was seeing did things with 1) Me 2) Her girlfriends 3) Me begrudgingly 4) Her guy friend.  But just because I start seeing someone, it doesn’t mean I want them to cut off all interaction with their platonic friends. (I just want to be present)

I guess the cause of my hesitation is also the answer to my problem.  Trust!!

If there’s trust then maybe there is room for some of that platonic bubonic friendship action!

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4 responses to “Can’t we all just get along?

  1. You know I love ya right? Ok, first off, this is a great post and I think you’ll find a lot of people that agree with you. I even agree with much of what you wrote. However, I have several male friends who’ve been in my life for years (the person on the receiving end of my concussion causing hug? My BEST male friend who’s been in my life for 14 years! Let’s call him P) Yes, we dated in high school (3 days!) but we knew we were always better as friends. When I found out my ex husband cheated, who was there to help me move? Yup, you got it, P. Even FF has realized how much this friend means to be and has decided its a good idea for them to hang out and get to know each other better. I like this because honestly, P is more like a brother and I want him to know FF and know that I’m finally making some good decisions. So, while it may not happen often or to everyone, I do believe in platonic friendships. Ok, rant over 🙂

  2. GourmetRambler

    Interesting perspective. I can appreciate the candidness. This hits home with me because your timing is impeccable. I very recently went on a blind date with a man, who in first 20 min of our “coffee” told me that in order to date him I would have to stop seeing all of my male friends. All of them: old, school, gay, married. He made no distinctions. If he is a man, he has to go.

    Now, of course, that was unacceptable, and that was the end of that particular “relationship”. Part of me was furious. How can this stranger impose such unreasonable demands?! I am a fiercely loyal friend, and would never go for it. Part of me was sad, because something happened to this man to make him this insecure.

    Knowing this could never possibly go anywhere, I asked him if he had friends who are women. Yes, he said. Will he keep those? Yes, he said. Now, there is a double standard if I’ve ever seen one. It’s different, he told me, I KNOW I am not interested in them in that way. Ahem. What?!!! I smell a rat!

    Long story short, I paid for my coffee, told him he probably needed to work on his trust issues before dating again, and left. Now, I have quite a few male friends. My best friend in the world is a man. It has always been the case. I make friends easily, whether men or women. I have been the “best man” in several weddings, was part of the groom’s party in several others, and should I ever get married in a traditional manner, my bridal party would be a very mixed bag.

    That being said, I have never crossed a line with one of my male friends. My mind just doesn’t go there. This may even account for the fact that I have so many guy friends: we respect each other enough not to cross the boundaries, and thus I have never had to deal with loss of friendship due to ill-advised night of messing around.

    What’s my point in all this? (Geez, get to it already, Tati!) People are different, whether men or women, and cannot all be measured by the same yardstick. Just because some woman somewhere can’t keep her hands off her male friends, doesn’t mean every one of us will do the same. If the relationship lacks trust, it is doomed to begin with. So, if you respect your lady and trust her, embrace those guy friends. After all, that lady of yours must have good taste and sound judgment. She picked you, didn’t she?

  3. Well you guys just poked holes into my theory… LOL!!

    In all seriousness I think you both make some valid points. Every situation is different, with trust and honesty playing a major role. It all comes down to a mutual understanding of what’s going on by both parties so everyone is aware and on the same page.

  4. Pingback: Never The Two Shall Meet | The fantastical ramblings of a chronic over-thinker

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