She’s about to Ejunkulate in my grill

As a rule I’m going to try not to internet date till I’m 30.  I’m a romantic who’s still holding out for something special and old fashion that will eventually grow into something incredible.  (I’ve got roughly 920+ days to make it happen)  So in an effort to reach my goal I decided to say yes to a couple blind dates.  With Life @ Twenty-Something’s – I hand times post and Clue-by-Four coining the term “Ejunkulation”, I’ve decided to share one of my more recent blind date flops.

One night I’m out with a buddy and some of his friends.  As I sip on my vodka-cran I find myself the object of discussion for two girls who are sitting across from me.  They’re giggling and texting, this goes on for about ten minutes.  I final direct my attention towards them and ask them what the deal is.  Turns out they heard I was single and thought I would be a good match for their friend.  I’m hesitant at first but decide why the hell not, these two are funny and I find them attractive… their friend can’t be to far off from them.  So I get her number, we exchange text and facebook information. (I know, guilty as charged)  Later on in the week we set up a date, a little activity and some dinner.

It’s date night, bowling was the agreed upon activity and the date went okay.  She was a little to self-deprecating and not in the funny way.  I wasn’t overly attracted to her and she was a tad young.  (I don’t think I’ve heard someone use “Oh My God” and “like” so many times.)  Needless to say my report to my friend was that she was cool, but a little too young for me.(23)  End of story right? WRONG!

About 3 months later me and a couple of friends hit up a pub for a Saturday night throw down.  Steps to insure you’re going to have a good night. 1) Give the bartender your credit card 2) Invent a new shot with the bartender 3) Buy loads of drinks for everyone…  Now everyone is having a good time, so I peel off from the group to use the washroom.  Next thing I know… I’m surrounded by three girls.  The two girls that set me up and the girl I went on the blind date with.  The conversation was as follows:

Blind Date: Why didn’t you call me?  We had a great date, and by the way “too young” isn’t a valid excuse

Me: Ummmmmm (WTF is going on right now)

Blind Date: Well?

Me: (Just be honest) Listen, it was a good date I just feel that we’re at different stages in our lives. I should have called though… that wasn’t right.  (Admission of guilt… that’ll work!)

Blind Date: Age is nothing but a number, I’m more mature than most girls my age and that’s a terrible excuse not to date someone

Me: I just got out of a relationship, I’ve got a lot going on right now… I really don’t want to bring you into this. (Lie – I have nothing going on… When in doubt go with “It’s not you, it’s me”)

*She’s about to Ejunkulate in my grill*

Blind Date: You’ve got a lot going on?? I’ve got a lot going on… you couldn’t even handle all the drama I’ve got in my life.

Who does that?  Last time I checked you don’t want to be the winner at “Whose got more drama?”  First prize is loneliness, a complete box set of Grey’s Anatomy, and a lifetime supply of the comfort food of your choice.  At this point I’ve zoned out because she has launched into a diatribe about the drama in her life and how mine pales in comparison.  I’m smiling on the inside because I’m so glad I didn’t go on a second date with her.  A friend found me and was able to rescue me from the situation, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t run into her again.

I haven’t had a successful blind date, so now they’re off the list. It looks like I’m going to try my hand at speed dating in May.  That or I can just continue to flirt on twitter and let my imagination get the better of me. lol

Hope you found humor in my adventure. Happy Friday

5 responses to “She’s about to Ejunkulate in my grill

  1. A clear example of definition #2. It’s indicitive of other things too. Talk about narcissistic!

    How broken is she that she has such a difficult time with rejection that she argues the point with you? Imagine what she must be like in a relationship. Poor guy will never have his feelings validated unless he has a “good reason” for being angry or upset.

    You should have responded with: “No? How about the fact that you can’t handle rejection and that makes you F’ING CRAZY?”

    One of the blogs I’m drafting is about the lies people tell themselves and others. Saying, “I’m more mature than most girls my age,” clearly means: “I’m trying to convince myself that I am not an insecure nutjob who isn’t even close to having her junk together.”

  2. She’s not shily. She hand times, she work real hard…she got drama…and you added to it! 😉 Blind dates suck. Online dating sucks. I want to live in a movie where Prince Charming shows up unexpectedly and we fall madly in love. So far? No go.

  3. “Last time I checked you don’t want to be the winner at “Whose got more drama?” First prize is loneliness, a complete box set of Grey’s Anatomy, and a lifetime supply of the comfort food of your choice.” I love it!

    Sympathy will never win you dates.

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