the inconsiderate flirt

When is it wrong to flirt? If I know a girl has a boyfriend, should I stop flirting with her? What if she’s extremely attractive and she seems to be into me? (I might have had one to many and interpreted regular conversation as a little something more) Or maybe I was spot on?

This weekend I was at an event put on by a friend, and the alcohol had been flowing. I was having a good time and was rocking my favorite red scarf, I was feeling GREAT! In walks this women, she toed the line between beautiful and sexy. Her smile was mesmerizing, and her eyes made me feel like she was only focused on me. Throughout the early stages of the night we exchange glances and smiles, and I notice a guy always in her general vicinity. (I’m wondering if she has a boyfriend*) I make some inquires with a friend, and decided I need to talk to this woman. So I insert myself into the group and strike up a general conversation, strategically working my way beside her and eventually into a one on one conversation. We find out a lot about each other, we laugh… (she’s gorgeous) we share stories… (she’s gorgeous) Finally I bring up the whole “boyfriend/guy that’s been periodically checking in on our convo” There’s a trepidation in her voice, she doesn’t come right out and say it… but she clearly doesn’t deny that there is something going on between them. I’m perplexed… our convo trails off and ends on a good note.

Later on in the night her group of friends is sitting directly across from my group and we’re facing each other, but separated by a couple of rows of people. Our eyes meet and we exchange smiles and flirtatious glances… (She’s leaning back so her “boy-friend” can’t see her face) after couple minutes of this she gets up to go to the washroom. I wait the standard 2 minutes and follow. I luckily knew a girl standing in the general area you need to pass to get back to where we were sitting, so I strike up some small talk. As soon as “the new hotness” walks by on her way back to her seat. I drop my conversation like a bad habit and readjust my attention. We start chatting/flirting again and she laments about how it’s not fair, I get to be out here chatting up whoever I want and she’s stuck over in the boring corner. (Not her exact words, but that was the point that came across) I see that she is constantly looking at the second level of the bar, so I ask if it’s “okay” for her to be talking to me. She lets me know that she still has a little more time before she needs to be back at her seat. I decide to press again about her status, she says “we know too many mutual people for me to answer that question honestly” and then says “do I really need to answer that question” clearly hinting that I already know the answer. (So not only is she gorgeous, she apparently knows I have a soft spot for ambiguity) I ask for her number, and she said it’s proly a better if I email her. She enters her email address into my phone, and says “I hope you don’t stand me up”.

So I’ve decided I’m going to email her… and I’m going to be honest if there’s a small chance that I can swoop in and wow this girl. I’m putting on a full court press and throwing caution to the wind. That being said I still kind of feel bad, the guy that was floating around that night seemed nice enough. If I was him, I would have been like… “pump the breaks, this girl is taken”. So who is in the wrong? Is anyone wrong in this situation? Is this just two attractive people having an innocent night of flirting and nothing more? I have no clue!

*before we form an opinion on the “the new hotness”… we technically don’t know her status

8 responses to “the inconsiderate flirt

  1. A bit of a contradiction to your last post, I must admit. I don’t really know how chivalrous and honorable it is to purposely pursuit a girl who you know has a boyfriend. Tough call though, because she might be the girl of your dreams. However, I would argue that if fidelity is important to you, then a girl who hits on guys at bars, while her boyfriend naively and trustingly sits at their table, might not possess that quality.

    • Thanks for the comment, and I agree with you… it is a contradiction to my last post. I did say I “try” to hold myself to a higher code… unfortunately I’m far from perfect. As for the rest of your comment, history has a way of repeating itself so I guess if I decide go down the rabbit hole… I can’t be surprised by anything.

  2. Flirting is innate and is bound to occur. However, it is when one chooses to flirt with intent that boundaries are crossed and your actions become the antonym of innocent. Ultimately you have a choice regarding how you respond to the very ambiguous, flirtatious, secretive + passive aggressive cues of the ‘new hotness’. I find it interesting that you bold “pump the breaks, this girl is taken” as the response if “[you] were him”. Call me crazy, but I think ‘Chivalry’ has spoken

  3. Im going to toss this out there, but I dont think this is a questions of being chivalrous. Although I would have a problem with someone hitting on a girlfriend of mine, I would have more of a problem knowing the girl that called me her boyfriend was acting like that. There is nothing wrong with flirting or getting to know someone better if they dont make their relationship status clear and act accordingly. As for hitting on a girl that would treat a boyfriend like that behind his back….it might make you take pause.

    • Moral code aka. chivalry is up for personal interpretation. On a broader scope, hiding behind ‘if they don’t make their relationship status clear’ does not make ‘it’ right. I am in full agreement that moral weight is placed on the person in the undefined/defined relationship; yet, the receiving party has the choice to encourage/discourage such conduct or make boundaries clear (yes, I am attracted to you yet with you in a relationship it goes no further). “We know too many people” and “send it in an email” stinks like secrecy and questionable intent. If you speak ‘it’, make sure you can ‘be’ it.

  4. Klonjibblenacker

    It seems the girl is no saint but is on the way out of a “boring” relationship (if she is true to herself whatsoever, however it is impossible to predict without knowing how intertwined her life is with his).

    Call me crazy, I email her for a lunch date and make it a point to know what her future holds. It’s one thing to pick up a chick who will be single in the near future but dating someone with a boyfriend won’t make you feel good.

    Great story. Captured plenty of emotion to invest me in the moment.

  5. Pingback: Tweets that mention the inconsiderate flirt « The fantastical ramblings of a chronic over-thinker --

  6. Pingback: What does your relationship report card read? « The fantastical ramblings of a chronic over-thinker

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