I’m hemorrhaging Digital Alimony… I think I need a Technical Prenup – Part 1

So I’m going to go ahead and dub this tech week, because there are some technical issue I need to discuss.  Turns out I’ve had more cell phones than girl friends, and in the past seven years I’ve had eight different cell phones.  I’m on my eighth and I’m pretty sure I’ve got my eye on my ninth, that’s a lot of digital alimony. Digital Alimony – the cost associated with divorcing an old piece of technology for the hot younger version. (Digital Alimony is foreign to iphone users because they marry for life!)  So in a three-part series I’m going to break down all my cell phone marriages.

My first! – Audiovox CDM 8150

An Audiovox phone on the Telus network, this phone is so old the battery is part of the back plate.  I got it from my mom as a gift and admittedly I had no clue what I was doing with a cell phone at the tender age of 20/21.  A ton of missed bill payments and a couple cancellations… this was a rocky relationship.  The phone had a primordial internet browser that probably resembles the code from the matrix then any real web browser.  It had a monochrome screen, no games, no music… I actually made calls on this phone.  Alas I saw people around me getting new phones, so when I got a job the following summer I went out and dumped this cell phone like a bad habit.

The Nameless Girl – Kyocera Blade

This phone will always have a special place in my heart, the Kyocera Blade.  This phone still holds one of my favorite ringtones of all time… “Nameless Girl” It was a stock ringtone and I’ve searched what seems to be every corner of the internet for it but have never ever found it.  It was so smooth and just made me feel good.  I would sometimes play this ringtone just so I could slow dance with the air.  (For a moment there I stopped writing and started whistling Nameless Girl and danced, it can’t be helped)  This phone was a feast for the eyes, everything lit up and it was my first phone that had LED notification.  Keys were a little tight together but I made it work.  At the time I thought there was never going to be a cell phone as good as this one.  It had games, what seemed to be a really cool internet, I could assign stock ringtones to contacts, and even give different contacts mini avatars.  Then I broke it, the screen got smashed in my pocket.  After the devastation had subsided and I’d gone as long as I could… I made the move to a new phone.

Is the what the future looks like? – LG 535

Expandable memory?  1.5MP camera with flash? A 1.75” screen?  This phone was a dream!  It was a slider so I already gained major cool points for that, and I could download polyphonic versions of the latest musical hits and make them my ringtone.  This was my first taste of customizable ringtones and my favorite was the Telus version of “U don’t have to call” by Usher.  Coincidentally I whistle that song all the time, it’s like my default song to whistle to.  I absolutely loved the speaker on the particular phone, it was so crisp and clear.  I talked to a lot of  people while on speaker phone, it was magic.  This phone was also the beginning of my obsession with mobile pictures, and at the time a 1.5MP camera for me was the shat!  I took a lot of self-shots because I’m borderline narcissistic and love myself, and just shots of everything around me that I found interesting.  This phone also let me download music to an SD card and listen to it on the go.  This phone was everything I wanted and more… but then I broke the screen.  I might have been a tad bit reckless as a young adult!

Aight, I should get ready for life…

Tomorrow, the dark period of my cell phone history

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